The Dorm Room. It was a spartan room to say the least. Tiled floor with two bunked beds on one side and one bunk bed on the other. All three beds were shipshape as they always were unless we were sleeping in them. The window overlooked a large intramural field. Just below the window was a steam pipe radiator heater. There was a large square metal desk in the middle of the room with chairs and study areas on three sides. There were three small closets with drawers and one shower. It had been my home for two years. My roommates and I had endured the constant harassment by the seniors during our first year, successfully passed a rigorous academic program of 18 hours per semester focusing on math and sciences for 2 years, a constant diet of military basics, and around the clock physical activities. The hard part seemed to be over. I had developed strong friendships with my roommates and those in my company. After advanced military training this summer, I would start my junior year in September. I was alone in the dorm room. I sat in my chair and finished my letter of resignation. I still wasn’t sure I would sign it as I believed I would be letting down my father, mother, family, teachers, and all the others in my small hometown who had helped me gain admission to the Academy. I was so afraid of letting them down, especially my father. I believed he simply would not understand. My mind drifted back to last summer to our training cruise across the Atlantic to northern Europe.
We had just gotten off our ship at Kiel, a large NATO port on the northern coast of Germany. Rick, Ben, Steve, and I were excited as we had several days on our own to explore as much of Germany as we could. Just off the port area was a small food stand. The sausage smelled great. We all asked for “wurst” and somehow we all got different types of sausage with sauerkraut. That was the last time we tried to use our very limited knowledge of the German language. We were told that the University of Kiel was the place to start as there was a dormitory that rented small rooms to visitors during the summer. It was there that we met and befriended Burnhard, a student whose English was excellent, thank goodness. The dorm had a small bar in the basement so the first evening we drank too much beer and got to know Burnhard. He had grown up in Kiel and his father owned an engineering firm at the port.
He had a small car that was just big enough for everyone to pile into and for the next two days he showed us the city and the surrounding countryside. We learned of its history, especially its importance during WWII, and we stopped at his parent’s small house where we met both his father and mother. They both spoke excellent English. We then decided to spend the next few days in Hamburg. It was the most beautiful city I had ever seen. We returned to Kiel for our last night at the dormitory. All the other guys were asleep but I went down to the bar area and found Burnhard there. The small black and white television was on. They were replaying some of the Watergate hearings dubbed over in German. Burnhard turned off the television and gave me some coffee.
“How do you know what you want to do in life, what you want to be when you grow up?” He asked me.
The seriousness of the question startled me, “Wow, I don’t really know.” I thought another minute and finally said, “It seems to me that sometimes the future just happens and we get caught up in it without ever really deciding about it.”
“But how do you know? My father works hard at his small engineering company, makes good money, and I know he wants me to take over one day. It’s what everyone in my family expects of me and I know they want the best for me. So, without thinking much about it, I simply looked up one day and well, here I am. I graduate next year and will work for my father and eventually take over his business. How did you decide you wanted to become an officer in the Navy?”
I had to really think a minute and I replied, “Honestly, I hadn’t thought much about a career or what to study in college until one of my high school teachers talked me into applying for admission to the Academy. I trusted this teacher. So, without thinking about it too much, I applied. I was strongly encouraged by everyone at my school and my family. Everyone helped me. I had a teacher take extra time to get me ready for calculus and analytic geometry and teach me how to use a slide rule. Everyone, especially my Dad, said it was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. And without really thinking about what a career in the military would be like, well, within a few months, this working class kid from West Virginia, who had never seen the ocean, was accepted into this very prestigious institution and here I am.”
Burnhard asked, “So, did you know about military life before you started? Did anyone in your family serve?”
“My father was in the Army during the Korean War and my Uncle served in Vietnam. Neither one of them talked about their experiences. So, I didn’t have any knowledge of military life at all except what I’ve learned the past year.”
He pushed a little harder, “But, is this really what you want to do in the future?”
“There are times when I see myself as a career naval officer but, honestly, other times I don’t.”
Burnhard looked at me, “What if you somehow discover or decide in the next few months or next year that you really don’t want to be in the military as a career? What will you do?”
While Burnhard was asking me the question, I realized that he was also asking himself the same question about his future.
I replied, “Honestly, I don’t know. I really wanted to get out of my small hometown, to go away to college, but my family simply couldn’t afford it. The only option was to stay at home and work my way through the local university. The Academy offered me the chance to get away, see the world, and to live up to the expectations of my parents and the rest of my family. At this point, it would be very difficult for me to give up this once in a lifetime opportunity as my Dad puts it.”
Burnhard pushed his long hair out of his eyes and stroked his scrawny beard, “We’re different in that I grew up with the expectation of taking over the family business. I know exactly what I’m getting into. You have never been exposed to a military life, you have no idea what you are getting into. Yet, we’re the same in that we really had little say about our so-called chosen career and I doubt if we would have said anything anyway even if we had known what we wanted to do in the future. We kind of went along with the expectations of others. As you put it, the future just happens and we seem to be along for the ride.”
“You know I’ve never had this conversation with my friends or family.”
Burnhard laughed, “Well, you’re the first person I’ve ever really talked to about it as well.”
We talked another hour or so, finished off a pot of coffee, and finally went to bed. I didn’t sleep much. The next day we went back to our ship and I never saw Burnhard again. I assume he graduated with his engineering degree and now works with his father in Kiel.
I noticed that it was about 3:00pm. I turned on the radio. The music seemed to echo in the dorm room. I looked down at my letter of resignation. The future just doesn’t happen. I signed it. I never looked back.
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